Saturday, November 10, 2012


I once dated a guy who said to me “Ugh, I hate crows. They’re nothing but flying rats.” I was taken aback. I thought to myself, “How could you be so stupid?” Crows are bad ass. They are big, ballsy, boisterous, bad ass birds. They will size your ass up, turn their backs on you and dare your ass to do something stupid.  They are not afraid of you. They are not afraid of your car and they are certainly not afraid of your dumbass dog. When other lesser birds will fly away in fear, a crow will stare down a 4000 lb car barreling in it’s direction, hop over a few feet to let the car pass, then hop back to finish what it was doing. Why? because he’s smart and he’s crafty and he don’t take no shit. So if you’re not hip to the almighty crow, here are a few reasons why you should give mad crow props.

1.   Crows are smarter than your stupid dog. Literally. Why? Because crows possess an ability that only humans and apes are capable of…using tools. But not only does he use tools, he can also make and shape tools to fit the job.  Researchers now believe that crows are possibly smarter than chimpanzees. It’s been well documented that crows in Japan regularly drop nuts into traffic so the nuts will be crushed by cars. Which is pretty smart right? But then the crows line up on the sidewalk, wait for the cross walk to signal go and then they collect their nuts while all cars are stopped. Have you ever seen squirrels doing that? No. Because they’re dead.

2.   Crows roll tight with their posse and they ain’t afraid of your ass.  Crows from all around will come to the defense of another crow if he is in distress. And if you F with crows, they will remember your ass and they will F with you back. Some students at the University of Washington decided to capture some crows to weigh, measure and then release them. That pissed the crows off and the crows told their crow friends and for the next few months, the students who were involved in the study were dive bombed and harassed every time they walked around campus.  Then they left for summer break. When they returned two months later, the crows were waiting for their sorry asses and continued the campaign of terror. To this day, crow research students at the University of Washington wear wigs and masks when collecting the birds for study. When a bunch of crows get together, it’s called a murder. Nuff said.

3.   Crows are tight with their peeps. They mate for life. Offspring usually stay with the family for a few years and take care of new siblings as they come along. If you see a group of 5-15 crows, most likely they are a family. I once had a baby crow fall out of a tree in my backyard. Every time I attempted to go to my car, I had three crows screaming at me to stay clear of the baby. After a day or two, they started to recognize me and knew I wasn’t going to mess with their kid and so they stopped screaming and just watched me. I appreciated our mutual respect.  There are many accounts of crows having “funerals” for their dead. Large numbers will gather and squawk loudly and often return for several days to the spot of a fallen bird. Crows are big on family and they take care of each other. They are a lot like people in that way. Well, maybe some higher evolved people.

So the next time you encounter some dumbass saying that crows are like vermin and should be exterminated, I hope you stand up for this mighty bird. They deserve our awe and respect and we are privileged to have them live among us. Don’t you agree?

1 comment:

  1. wtf, Angela Jenkins. Why'd you go in like that tho.